HEARTLESS wench Casey Crouch is due to attend the Santa Monica Courthouse today as she faces several charges of friendzoning and two charges of not having sexual intercourse with nice guys. In what is being billed as a landmark case that could have major consequences for other hussies around the country, Ms. Crouch must prove to a jury of her peers that she did not friendzone Jeremy Cameron, an atheist Computer Science major from the state of Utah.

The victim, Jeremy Cameron.
While speaking to a reporter from Neckbeard News, Cameron stated that he was "shocked and appalled" when he discovered that Ms Crouch had found a douchebag boyfriend, despite the fact that he had marked his territory several months beforehand by befriending her. "We were friends for like, six months, man... Seriously, I was like, 'this close' to revealing my true feelings to her. And then she just completely fobbed me off by getting with some loser with an inferior intellect."

The victim also said that the defendant recoiled in disgust when he had asked her to meet his current Waifu, Aika. "She was completely and utterly disrespectful to Aika. It was as though she didn't really see her as a real person. She just looked at me like I was some sort of pervert before making a lame excuse to leave. Honestly, man, I feel so upset right now. If there is any justice in this world that bitch will get the chair."

Fedoras Against Friendzoning chairman George Hamilton was also quick to weigh in on the case. Speaking from his parent's house in San Fransisco, Hamilton said that he was elated by the news that "some lady of the night was getting her comeuppance." "I'm glad to see that the Federal government is now taking our plight more seriously", said the jobless 29 year old.

Unfortunately, we at Neckbeard News couldn't reach Ms. Crouch for her side of the story as she was too busy dating douche bag jocks and donating money to religious charities.

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  1. Replies
    1. There is nothing hilarious about some harlot friendzoning a young gentlersir.

  2. The fact that you guys think that a woman should automatically submit to ANY sort of desire you pigs have is beyond revolting. Women aren't robots you can just program for yourselves as you see fit. They aren't here to serve you. And you don't "mark your territory" like they're some object. You are not entitled to people, especially these women you call "harlots." "Oh boo hoo a girl doesn't like me because I came on too strong and tried to prove to them that I'm more than I really am and I showed them how much of a manchild I actually am I'm gonna go whine and moan about my problems that I make for myself on Reddit because I can't find a flesh'n'blood waifu." General ignorance and inability to read people aren't even a fraction of the mental dysfunctions you losers have. Grow up. Damn.

    1. You do realize this is satire, right?

      This was created to make fun of the people who think like that.