The scientific community was left stunned today after Ohio teenager Jake Mitchell revealed that he was born into the wrong generation. The shocking announcement, which Mitchell posted in the comments section of a video for Bohemian Rhapsody, stated that he should have grown up in an earlier era, "back when music was art and men wore cloaks and trilbys."

"I just don't understand this generation", said the 15 year old. "They listen to rap music, which should really just be called crap music, by the way. They say stupid uneducated things such as YOLO. Seriously, what the hell is with that? Oh, and the girls!? Don't even get me started on them. They go for douche bag swag fags who wear baseball caps instead of gentlemen like me, who dress with class. Honestly, man, I think I was supposed to have been born in the 1930s or the 1950s or something."

Jake Mitchell - Victim of time warp.
While speaking to one of our reporters from Neckbeard News, world-renowned astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson said that a shift in the space time continuum could have resulted in Mitchell being propelled several decades into the future. "I've been researching this topic for a while now, and I've come to the conclusion that it is the result of some sort of time warp or some shit. I mean, I think that it is pretty clear to everyone involved that Jake Mitchell doesn't actually belong in this generation. Really, he should have been born back in a time where women were more subservient and you could court a fair maiden by simply opening a car door for her."

During an early-morning press conference at CERN headquarters in Geneva, Switzerland, French scientist Dr. Pierre Cabane told frantic reporters that he and his team are hell-bent on studying the Ohio teenager. "This news is a bit unsettling for me", remarked the 58 year old surrender monkey. "If it has happened once, who knows how many kids have been born into the wrong generation."




5 comments:

  1. Such a sad fate

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  2. le reddit army has arrived XD

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  3. He is right you know. I was supposed to be born when thick women were praised and stick figures who made themselves vomit to get that way were called weirdos. Now I have to be called a fucking "Chubby chaser". God damn it modarn hiskool!

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