Sometimes, being an intellectual powerhouse just isn't enough. Sometimes, you need that extra bit of style or that extra bit of class that makes you look like a bad ass from the 1940s. Decimating a Christian with logic and reason can feel pretty hollow when you don't have a fedora to tip or a cape to throw over your shoulder.

The Fedora

We'll start with the basics of choosing the right fedora. Here, we have an enchanting MLP-inspired fedora, complete with wings and a rainbow of tolerance, which will no doubt warn the Republicunts around you that they're about to get out-logic'd. Also, be sure to notice the padded brim, which is there to provide extra comfort to your fingers during extended bouts of tipping.



The Trilby

When you feel as though wearing a fedora has become far too mainstream for your cultured tastes, you should try and master the forgotten art of rocking a trilby. That way, you can quip "It's a trilby, not a fucking fedora, you moron!" whenever some lowly uneducated peon says otherwise. This vintage hat will make it look as though you've just stepped out of the 1950s, a time when music was good and women knew their role in the household.



Notice our model's smile and eye contact as he pulls off one of his majestic tipping poses.

Fingerless Gloves

Lets face it, when you see a guy wearing fingerless gloves, you just instantly know that he is a bad ass motherfucka! Maybe he has a motorbike nearby? Maybe he's just like Mel Gibson in that cool post-apocalyptic dystopian action movie? Who knows? The only thing that we do know is that we don't want to get on his bad side!



The Trench Coat

A trench coat is another piece of clothing that is sure to give you an aura of danger. Think of yourself as Blade, except that instead of hunting down vampires, you're hunting down Christians. Or, if you're a Matrix fan, you can think of yourself as Neo, a man that is trapped inside a fake consumerist-driven society that has been constructed by Rupert Murdoch and the rest of the mainstream media. Sigh. When will the masses wake up.



Here's a picture of our reporter Jeremy, who was out on the streets of Santa Monica looking for Christians to do battle with. As you can see, he had a flask of Mtn. Dew with him in order to stave off the effects of dehydration. Be sure to note the leather gloves, which can be an excellent addition to anybody's wardrobe.

Graphic T-Shirt

One of the best ways to let people know more about your obscure interests is to wear a T-shirt with a graphic on it. This graphic can be:
  • The name of your favourite death metal band.
  • A funny Internet meme or quip.
  • The words "I'm an atheist. Debate me."
  • A programming joke, even if you don't fully understand it and have only programmed in HTML.
  • An upside-down cross or pentagram.
  • The name of your favourite indie PC game.



PS: None of that gay-ass "swag" or "yolo" shit. You'll end up looking like a mindless sheep.

The Cape

During the summer months, a trench coat might be too hot to wear under the gaze of the wicked sun. As an alternative, you can take a more whimsical approach by equipping yourself with a lengthy free-flowing cape. By wearing a cape, you'll be able to make yourself look like some sort of superhero or post-modern gentlesir. Think about this: Is there anything more satisfying than throwing your cape over your shoulder after you've just destroyed some philistine in an intellectual debate? The answer is no.



The Cane

The Cane is another throwback to a time when outspoken gentlemen such as ourselves were more accepted by society. This was before gangsta rap music was invented in order subvert the middle class youth.



Sunglasses

The black sunglasses and fedora look is hot right now. Who are these guys? What are they doing here? What is their mission? What is he looking at?



Note that in order to pull off this mysterious look, you will need to silently nod and stare off into the distance whenever somebody speaks to you.




The Pipe

Smoking tobacco through a pipe might not be healthy, but it does make you look cultured and sophisticated. When the mindless sheep around you are smoking their cancer sticks and puffing away on their e-cigarettes, there you'll be with your pipe, looking as classy and zany as ever. Just look at this picture of a gentleman smoking his pipe on the beach as he gazes ahead... towards the future:



Guy Fawkes mask

The Guy Fawkes mask can provide you with the perfect opportunity to let everyone know that you're an Internet hacktivist and that you're not afraid of the NSA. "Maybe he's a part of that underground hacker group?", you'll hear them ask. "I just love a man with strong political beliefs."



If you have any tips of your own, be sure to post them in meme format in the comment section below.

12 comments:

  1. i tip my fedor ato that one xD

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  2. I grant you that these people are out of touch and dorky, but why just shit on them?

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    1. Oh look, another mindless sheep, fed with the lies it was served by mainstream media. When today's youth is destroyed a bit more every day, we atheists deny all our carnal pleasures and spend time on enlightening people. As so, our clothing must match our intellectuality.

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    2. "deny all our carnal pleasures" its a lot easier to just say you cant get laid

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  3. Replies
    1. It is your lack of intellect making you mindless sheep say that. You should know better, for you never know what an atheist is capable of.

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    2. not believing in a deity?

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  4. Sure, I guess you can settle for a cape if you can't find a store that sells manteaus...

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  5. Fingerless Gloves guy was killed July 22, 2011 by Anders Breivik

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  6. Sadly, I am guilty of buying the Guy Fawkes mask. But c'mon, it was 2007 and the latest and greatest lulz were found screwing with $cientology. I am not alone in this.

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