Neckbeard wearing a MLP t-shirt.
Cincinnati teenager Donald Reed has hit back against the War on Piracy today by calling on the United Nations to add "torrenting and 'sh*t'" to their Universal Declaration of Human Rights. The college student, who is the administrator of a popular anime Facebook page with 8 Likes, stated that "piracy is a human right, just as much as the right to life or the right to not be friendzoned."

"By outlawing piracy, they're basically discriminating against those of us who cannot afford to purchase the things that we want to consume", said the 17 year old, who had just finished downloading 220 episodes of Naruto. "I mean, who cares if the corporations miss out on a few extra bucks? If Occupy Wall Street taught us anything, it's that the 1% do not deserve our money. In fact, if I had my way; all of these fat cats would be jailed or sent to the gallows."

When asked what he would do if he were president, Reed replied by saying that he would force all entertainment companies to adopt an "open source" policy. "Just look at the successes of Linux and Firefox. Why can't movie companies follow their lead and open source their movies? What makes them think that they have the right to charge us money, just so we can watch the things that they made? It's absolutely ridiculous and nonsensical. You can't, like, own an anime series, man. It belongs to the people."

Unfortunately, the Secretary-General of the United Nations, Ban Ki-moon, could not be reached for comment.


  1. This is a bit ridiculous tbh. Why should it be a human right to download TV series' for free?

    1. I'm not sure if you understand this news site. Perhaps you should stick to the onion and the daily currant.

    2. Because, you anon shittard, we're all just human beings, and at the end of the day, we all have wants and needs, and to have robber barons monopolising commodities that they just happened to capitalize upon is just fucking retarded. I don't know if you know this, but I'm a Atheist and a Libertarian, so I believe in freedom and liberty, the things this country says it upholds but doesn't.

  2. To have a belief and intent means we are human... to label the human kind means we are being ignorant. I would choose to stay with no label. Thanks.


  3. What a waste downloading a shit series :/

    Could have downloaded something better